Reader Mail

DEMS UNITE!

redhed67 — Wed, 28 May 2008 07:18:17 -0400

Well, as we all know, election season is once again upon us. Our choices are, as always, a great source of controversy and strife among the American people. This is understandable as not every candidate fits our ideals of the perfect President.

However, I've noticed some very disturbing trends among voters and, most glaringly, the Democrats. Frankly, it's appalling. I can't get through a blog or a chat room without seeing Democrats at each other's throats, each bashing the views and private lives of one another's pick as the Dem candidate.

You know what, people?? Knock it off. I'm not particularly wild about Hillary nor Obama either, to be honest... but all have a common goal here. That goal is to do everything we can to keep the GOP out of the White House.

Haven't the GOP done enough damage already? For the past 7 years, we've been subjected to two recessions, the invasion of a sovereign country with no violent designs on us, over 935 lies from this administration ABOUT IRAQ ALONE, and the blatant trampling of our civil rights such as our privacy with the warrantless surveillance and with free speech with arrests of peacful protestors and even people whose only "crime" was merely wearing an anti-war or anti-Bush T-shirt.

John McCain has stated that he plans on continuing our occupation of Iraq. He has also stated that he not only wants us to stay in Iraq for 100 years, but is already planning on attacking Iran, as he so playfully reiterated in his rousing rendition of the Beach Boys song "Barbara Ann" titled "Bomb Bomb Iran."

Obama and Hillary's ideas are really not so different from one another. They have similiar ideas on health care, Iraq, national security in general, etc. There are subtle nuances that make their plans slightly different but when it comes down to it, one is really just as good as the other.

It's bothersome that people are saying things like "Hillary is a warmonger"... or "Obama is a Muslim sympathizer." These same lines that Rightwingers were using against the two of them just a few short months ago and the Dems were scolding them for, the Dems are now using. I, personally, never chose a particular party with which to label myself. I consider myself an Independent even though I never formally even declared myself as such... and this is why. Both sides seem to go off the deep end when elections come up and I am so disappointed that Dems have allowed themselved to stoop to the level of "The Righties."

I don't like any party spreading lies and innuendo about any candidate, whether he or she be Republican or Democrat. It's juvenile and ignorant. I don't approve of McCain's policies but I'm not going to perpetuate the rumor that he committed treason while in the service. I have no proof that he did. On the same token, I won't perpetuate the rumor that Barack Obama is a Muslim terrorist sympathizer. We have more than ample evidence that he is not.

Let's think about that particular rumor for a moment. George W. Bush has been more in the pocket of Muslim terrorist sympathizers than anyone else. Despite the fact that the Saudis not only have an appalling track record on human rights but they're also funding terrorists and helping to fund the insurgency which is killing our soldiers... Bush calls them "friend." Not only that but he's also given them weapons which are in turn being used against our troops in Iraq.

Same with Pakistan who has openly harbored Al Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden for a couple of decades. Then there's Uzbekistan, a nation with a record of committing unspeakable atrocities against its citizens...again, Bush calls them "friend."

So to say anything about Obama is not only stupid but incredibly hypocritical if you're Bush supporter. If you're a Dem, it's insincere and ridiculous. We need to pull together in these elections this year and vote for whomever the Dem nominee turns out to be, even if we have to hold out collective noses to do it. I know I will. If a GOP president gets in again, I would hate to look back and know that my missing vote helped to get him in.

So come on... remember that common goal we have to do something good for this country and keep the GOP out.

VOTE FOR THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE!!!
_________________
Don't blame this mess on me... I'm an Independent!

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 13:05:20 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or Fox News devotee tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

And it's funny how hate e-mail can be a feast or famine proposition. Some weeks, I get almost no e-mail from inarticulate, slack-jawed right-wingers and other weeks it's a veritable slime festival -- and this week was the latter.

The second biggest nut case to write to me this week was Izzy Oleinik who writes:

You sit on your fat ass and only hurt the brave young men and women that defend our country, The animals they fight only have one purpose in life, kill americans. Bush has taken the war to their country. I do not give a rats ass if he kills every one of them. I do not give a rats ass if he tortures every one of them If it just saves one american life I am for it!!!!!!!, Your kind let our troops down in the Viet Nam war and your kind is doing it again.

We will win the presidential election again because americans will not trust a democrat to protect them. I am urging every one of my friends to go out an vote for our side and we will win this election. You are the one that makes a living from scaring others. Bush is
doing the job we elected him to do.

As far as I am concerned you and your kind are traitors. If I was in control I would round you up and have you brought before a firing squad.

I know, I know… Even those of you accustomed to the misfits I feature here, are saying "OK, who was the first biggest nut case you heard from this week?" I'll get to him. But I'll answer this guy first….

Dear Izzy;

Frankly, Izzy, what hurts the most is that "fat ass" comment. As a Republican, shouldn't you really keep your attention on the butts of young boys?

And, I was content to write you off as just another crazy, medicated Republican sending me e-mail because you have no friends but, in the days since I got your charming note, I've found out you're right about who the terrorists are and that George W. Bush has "taken the war to their country."

Just this last Tuesday morning, I took a cab from Wall Street to my Midtown Manhattan office and what did the Iraqi taxi driver do? He tried to kill me by running the car into the Hudson River! But I wrestled the wheel from him, paid the fare and made my way to work safely.

That very afternoon, I went for a business lunch to an upscale restaurant run by what I thought was a lovely Iraqi couple and -- you're not going to believe this, Izzy -- they tried to spike my food with nerve agent. It took me a good two hours to stop twitching and you can believe that the waiter did not get a generous tip.

The very next day, I went to my doctor -- you guessed it, Izzy, an Iraqi! -- and he feeds me this line about a "routine prostate exam" because I'm over 40. I don’t even want to tell you what he did to me, but I'm pretty sure he was guilty of a Geneva Conventions violation himself.

And then, just last night, a bunch of neighborhood kids -- and I can't swear they were Iraqi, Izzy, but I think you and I both know the truth -- took some pre-Halloween liberties and toilet-papered my double-wide trailer. We hate when that happens, don’t we, Izzy? I marched right down the street to complain to the Goldsteins, but they lied and said they were Jewish, not Iraqi.

Be that as it may, Izzy, I know what you mean about those Iraqis and why President Bush is fighting them in their country. I say we go after the evil-doers in Finland next. But maybe, since we now understand each other, you can write back and tell me how many of the 9/11 hijackers were Iraqi. I'll be waiting.

As for the remark that my views, in your mind, make me eligible for a firing squad -- and thus, I suppose, most people who read this column -- I would ask only that readers write directly to you with their feelings about that. (I get enough e-mail.)

Readers: The digital rock that Izzy hides under is at izzyandkathryn1@cox.net. And, because I am a compassionate liberal and don’t wish to be cruel, I won’t tell you how easy it is to get Izzy Oleinik's work e-mail address -- but just let your fingers do the Googling.

* * * * *I normally don’t let this feature run as long as it will go today, but I wanted to print the most insane e-mail I got this week in its entirety, with no response from me at the end. I get occasional comments from readers -- and my own wife, for that matter -- asking me why I'm so hard on right-wingers and I can think of no better example than this e-mail. It comes from Mike Andrews at mike2992@speedfactory.net -- take a look:

Hi Bob;

You don't know me; I'm a white gentile. . . one who's not involved in pro gay rights activism.

Neither am I a Christian, although my people come from that genre.

In effect, I have no quarrel with gays as long as they live their lifestyles in private without attempting to draw the young and impressionable in as satraps. My sense of it is that under constitutional law gay people have the same rights and entitlements to privacy as the rest of us; laws against sodomy notwithstanding. The 'consenting adults' caveat should apply universally, in my opinion.

But when gays begin demanding that their animalistic, anti-human debauchery be accepted as the "norm" in society-at-large so as to allow gay marriage - which on the face of it is nothing but a ploy to reap from the American political system and its taxpayers the same traditional benefits enjoyed by heterosexual couples - that's where I draw the line.

I also draw a line in the sand where officials in the Marxist-oriented public school system cram the Jews' Marxist agenda of destruction down kids' throats with such mandated reading material as "** has two mommies," etc.; or by enforcement of the lie that homosexuality is a normal aspect of human behavior, giving all who voice dissent failing
grades.

The premise. . . that homosexuality is a normal aspect of Jewish behavior, now. . . I find myself in full accord with. But leave the rest of us out of the equation, sez vous plait.

Actually, the Foley debacle's got nothing to do with religion and everything to do with such abominations as degenerate sexuality, gutter morality and politics. Animalism can never be "Christianized." Same in re Judaism. So where do the queer Jews like to go? Why, to the Christian churches, of course! There they can. . . 'kill two birds with one stone' while "fitting in" with acceptable, mainstream American society.

Since you are undoubtedly a homosexual, Bob. . . or have a close relative (son or daughter, for instance) who is gay; or perhaps pro-homo activism is your Zionist-assigned mission - you obviously have a vested interest, whatever it is, in gleaning every possible benefit for your chosen faction that can be milked from society. You want to legitimize the illegitimate. Isn't there an oxymoron there some place?

But it doesn't make you right.

In re your article "Religious Right Strangely Silent About Foley," you make great and ominous-sounding howls of protest that Foley's "Christian" faction remains silent in the face of this most recent "exposé," so-called, of the 'morally reprehensible Christian collective.' (My terms; not yours.)

But even though I tend to agree with you, Bob, on certain points regarding the efficacies of Christianity - one poignant issue which you yourself conveniently omit to mention is, that Rep. Foley, in all likelihood, is a Jew, same as you - a queer, pedophiliac Jew to boot.

As you must be aware, Bob, there are today a great many secular Jews who call themselves "Christian." The Catholic church is full of them.

As well, there are Zionist-dedicated sayan moles implanted within all the various Christian ecumenical groups working to achieve the Marxist goal - that being the total destruction of every nuance of the traditional American system. . . which is, after all, a
Christian-oriented value system  through debauchery and scandal. This is the most basic premise of the Marxist credo  to 'divide and conquer.'

There's no point going further into the semantics of it, Bob; yet I think you are probably honest-enough to admit, to yourself at least, that the foregoing is true.

As just one of myriad examples, let me make mention of the "Bishop" Fulton J. Sheen (the 'J,' of course, being an arrogation). Sheen was a 'flaming' homosexual and a Jew who held a 30 minute weekly spot called "One Little Candle." It was sponsored by the Catholic church and aired on one of the broadcast tv networks back in the late 50's; I forget which.

When the show started, Sheen would come out strutting like a peacock, all dolled up in full Catholic bishop's regalia and wearing makeup. Then he would go into his well-orchestrated routine, using eye and body language to pull over the impression that he possessed mystical powers, and that his pack of lies and outrageous, effeminate posturing were somehow "sanctioned" by "El Supremo."

Yes; the "Bishop" Sheen - true-blue man of the cloth - a fabrication.

He was so obviously a flaming, flamboyant, aggressive-type homosexual that it defies logic how the Catholic church could ever have sanctioned him as its representative! ... Just goes to prove that Zionist infiltration of homosexual moles into the Church has been going great guns since the close of WWII, and probably long before.

Strangely, 'Sheen-ism' took hold. Many viewers in 'tv-land' were captured by the bishop's Jewish charisma - he being, if nothing else, a good actor. And boy, were we American gentiles dumb in those days!

My mother, a southern Baptist, was quite taken by Sheen and watched his show faithfully every week. I was a 14 year old kid and didn't know any better. I do now.

Eventually, I guess, the Zionist network criminals figured that they'd milked their propaganda-generator - the "Sheen machine" - long enough, and pulled the plug after about 18 months. They were wise in doing so; even we dumb, unassuming Americans can eventually smell a rat.

Afterwards it was as if the bishop had disappeared from the face of the earth! Perhaps (on a wistful note) a giant commode had flushed somewhere, taking the good bishop 'downstream' into the bowels of the evil, reeking system he so valiantly abetted. No - not Christianity.

But Sheen was the first overt example of what has since become a steady, deliberate, in-your-face, Jew-orchestrated debauchment of Christian traditionalism.

As said, there have been myriad subsequent episodes.

Jimmy Swaggart is one example; remember him? Yeah, Jimmy-the-Jew, who couldn't keep it in his pants; all part of the plan, of course. Well, he's not alone. The mole-led, Israel-first / Christian-Zionist factions of today are the traditional Christian groups of old, newly co-opted by their "Swaggarts" to serve the despotic whim of phallic-oriented Jewish savagery. ...And making not a few vicious Jews rich in the process.

So, Bob - when you rail against Christianity's new mentors and the dead-end political system they proffer, you err. . . in that all you're accomplishing is a repeat of the same redolent deceptions and stale canards hatched by a pack of criminals. . . who at this very hour are in the process of overthrowing the traditional American constitutional
government and replacing it with a Jew-controlled, Bolshevik-style dictatorship.

The writing is on the walls, Bob.

Can't you see it?

Or are you secretly gratified by it?

Cordially,

Mike Andrews

How's that for a mouthful of utter gibberish? And stuff like this hits my inbox every week. Mike probably had to skip a cross-burning to crank out something like this.

Feel free to let Mike know how you feel about his view of what being an American is all about and let's just hope that either his electroshock therapy kicks in sometime soon or, at the very least, that his robe catches fire at his next Ku Klux Klan meeting and he's out of commission for a while.

* * * * *Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letters and e-mails coming.

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 10:45:47 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or Fox News devotee tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

While this week was quite the grab bag and it was hard to weed through the mostly-illiterate lot, here's some examples of the correspondence sent to me and the most sincere responses I can muster.

Mr. Robert Lackey writes:

lamont looks like that crazy guy on TV who claims he killed jon benet

To which I reply….

Dear Robert,

First of all, a basic rule of life is that, if you're a guy named "Lackey," you shouldn't be making fun of anyone else. Second, I took a look at many pictures of Democratic Senatorial nominee Ned Lamont and just flat-out can't see the resemblance you claim.

However, I did do some legwork to track down a photo of you and the best I could find was an old high school yearbook photo from the 1977 Rancho Cucamonga Centurion and, well, you take a look. Here's John Mark Karr:

And here's your 1977 senior picture.

Now, I'm no expert in this field, but it looks to me like…. Naw, couldn’t be.

* * * * *
In an e-mail with the subject line BYE BYE MUTHA MURTHA, "Neal" opines:

Yet another fat-assed lib traitor … bites the dust!

TRY JUST ONCE … NOT TO RUN A LIBTARDO TRAITOR for any political office!

LOL!

And I say…

Dear Neal;

I'm not quite sure what you mean by Congressman John Murtha being on the road to biting the dust but, as I so often am forced to do with you semi-literate right-wingers writing to me, I'll try to figure out what your babbling means.

I assume that you believe that Murtha's dim-witted Republican challenger, Diana Irey, will prevail in the November 7 general election and remove Murtha from his seat in the House of Representatives.

So I'll tell you what: Since there's no way you would just talk trash without the willingness to back it up, I'm willing to make you a straight-up wager of $500.00 on the race in Pennsylvania's 12th district. I believe that Murtha, the man you say will "bite the dust," will win. I'll take him. You take the vacuous Ms. Irey.

Deal?

And, if you're the age suggested by your writing ability, please ask your Mommy and Daddy before making this wager.

* * * * *
A real humanitarian, Mr. Jason Worley, writes:

While searching minimum wage rates by state, I came across your site (opinion). Who really cares if high school students, uneducated workers and illegals get an increase in their wages? They should continue their education and not depend on politicians to give them a raise. The people who work for these low wages are probably getting other forms of taxpayer-funded assistance, so I don't really feel sorry for the non go-getters.

To which I reply:

Dear Jason;

Your thoughts are so filled with bigoted, pre-judging nonsense that it’s difficult to know where to begin. So I'll simply say that it's not really appropriate for someone who has had it so easy in life to judge others this harshly.

After all, you were raised in the comfort of an upper-middle class household with a mother who was able to stay home with you and a father who brought home a hefty, six-figure salary with generous benefits. As kind of a slacker and never much of a student, your high school grades were, to put it mildly, disappointing. But given the choice of college or putting your life on the line in the military, you opted to use Daddy's connections and got into a fine university.

While it took you six years to make it through college, with a GPA that made your high school grades look positively stellar, your prestigious school, and plentiful contacts with the fathers of your fraternity brothers, landed you a cushy job. While hardly qualified for your chosen profession -- and despite a lack of work ethic bred by years of having everything given to you -- you've managed to kiss enough butt to "work" your way up the ladder, into a lucrative senior-management position with your father-in-law's company.

This is you isn't it, Jason? Because if it isn't, my making these kinds of judgments despite not even knowing you or your real circumstances would make me a complete idiot and an asshole -- wouldn't it?

* * * * *
Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 12:52:17 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or general nutcase tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

The piece I wrote this week about Senators John Kerry and Ted Kennedy attending the funeral of a Massachusetts soldier killed in Iraq really brought the nuts out of the can.

Here's Mr. "V" who writes:

I found the pictures of kerry [sic] and kennedy [sic] at the grave of a soldier completely disgusting. Why?.. Kennedy and Kerry have quoted [sic] on Iraq for years.. and on WMD. They have voted for this war and entirely pretended Bush made it up. Do you have a fair bone in your body? You talk about honesty? How about trying to truly put a post on a democrats.com about the democrat quotes on wmd from 1993 through 2003?

Funny how what they said...matches what Bush said. Who came first? Who truly lied to who? [sic] Democrats stayed entirely consistant [sic] with their wmd, iraqi [sic] danger threat for years... Bush did not change their mind... Nothing changed according to their quotes. So where do people like you get off pretending international intelligence didn't say the same thing? And democrats? Why are you the true deceiver in this and not leveling with people? For power?.. I hope you're happy seeing Kerry and Kennedy politicize funerals... which they voted for.. and also worked hard to NOT support the troops or mission they voted for.

Remember Kerry saying once the war starts he will shutup, [sic] because he doesn't want soldiers hearing him in foxholes?.. Well, he didn't shutup [sic].. and he didn't stop pretending he didn't have a record on wmd quotes. The soldiers hear him well, so do the enemy. Way to go Bob..

No idea how you sleep.

To which I reply:

Dear V-man;

I normally don't respond to people who write with the same tired, old Republican talking points about Democrats "supporting the war" and people like Kerry "politicizing" attending military funerals -- even though the press wasn't invited and Kerry made no mention of it himself. But in your case, I'll make an exception and respond because you do raise a very interesting question.

How do I sleep at night?

Well, usually on my side, but occasionally on my back if my leg is acting up from an old military injury. I usually sleep pretty soundly -- and I really appreciate you asking, by the way -- but I sometimes do wake up with troubling thoughts about having a president who lied our country into a war and who has managed to convince a tiny, moronic segment of our population that, despite our nation's creed, any form of dissent is suddenly profoundly unpatriotic.

I usually take some time to read a few pages of the 9/11 Commission Report, which makes me feel better because I then get confirmation of how incredibly uninformed that tiny, Kool-Aid-drunk percentage of America is.

Sometimes I awaken with the fear that I'm too mean to the right-wingers who send me nonsense in e-mails… That it isn’t right for me to make fun of people who already struggle with an intelligence deficit every day, have only Fox News as their sole source of "information" and that I may simply be cruel to hold them up to such ridicule every Friday.

But then I realize that what awakened me was me giggling in my sleep.

Hope that answers your question.

Bob

* * * * *

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 10:33:14 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or general nutcase tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

And, man, just try talking about giving people something resembling a living wage -- see the recent minimum wage debates in the Congress -- and watch how it really sets the right-wingers on fire.

Here's Mitch Slobonic of Shawnee, OK, who writes:

Dear Idiot,

What is it abot [sic] you left wengers[sic] that makes you think that the goverment [sic] should be telling busnesses [sic] how much to pay people? People should rise and fall based on there [sic] own merets [sic] and not on some liberal pukes getting them a salery [sic] thats [sic] higher then they should recieve [sic].

Why don't you and all you're [sic] liberal friends move to the USSR?

To which I reply:

Dear Mitch;

I have some news for you. The Soviet Union was dissolved in 1991. The smarter Bush is no longer president and this isn't still the original Gulf War we're involved in now.

Got your bearings yet? Good.

After reading your e-mail, I decided to consult with a friend of mine who is a vocational counselor and ask him, based on your writing ability and your apparent intellect, what jobs your skills would allow you to pursue. Sadly, most of them are either volunteer roles in mental hospitals or other jobs with minimal, mental heavy lifting, like being a Wal-Mart greeter. But, based on what he read of your e-mail, he did say you appear qualified to perform the following jobs.

1. Sunblock attendant at 80-and-up nude beach
2. Pit Bull tickler
3. Oklahoma lethal-injection tester
4. Grammar coach for Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie
5. Personal groomer for Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert
6. Target changer at the 2006 NRA shoot-fest
7. Campaign manager for Florida Senatorial candidate Katherine Harris
8. Train track sweeper
9. Oklahoma Cowboy Hall of Fame spittoon emptier
10. Towel boy at the Congressional Republican pool

I wish you luck, Mitch. Despite the tone of your e-mail, I hope you find a job and associated salary that's commensurate with your education and innate brain power -- after all, I am a liberal.

Bob

* * * * *

Hey look, kids, it's our old friend Fred Fittin! Under the subject line "Impeachment!" Fred grapples with his limited vocabulary and, with his usual brevity, writes:

Bob.... You and the left-wing nutniks are living in a fool's paradise! Bush has as much of a chance of being impeached as you have of scoring higher than a 70 on an IQ test.....

Dear Fred;

Now, Freddie, I beg to differ. I bet I would get at least an 80, which puts me way ahead of all Republicans. Let's have a look at the outmoded IQ Classification scale, which psychologists retired because the phrases were demeaning to certain segments of the population. Here's how the old scale labeled people.

IQ 70 - 80 "Borderline Deficiency"
IQ 50 - 69 "Moron"
IQ 20 - 49 "Imbecile"
IQ 10 - 19 "Idiot"
IQ 0 - 9 "Republican"
IQ -1 - -10 "Bush Supporter"

As always, Fred, nice hearing from you. We really should have a beer if the nice orderlies ever bring you to New York City.

* * * * *

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 10:43:38 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or general nutcase tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

And, I'll tell you, my piece on the bogus "polls" done by Fox's Sean Hannity on his web site, sure brought the insects out of the woodwork.

An example is Charles Reilly, of Manhattan Beach, CA, who writes…

Dear Bob Geiger:

Why don't you go on Mr. Hannity's show and debate him? You're always quick to throw your own bombs on people, so why don't you just go on the Fox Network and debate the fellow man-to-man.

Face it, Bob, you're just another limp-wrist liberal who doesn't have the courage or guts to appear in public (unless Arianna Huffington invites you over her house for the one-thousandth viewing of "Fahrenheit 911"). If you ever bumped into Hannity on the street, you'd probably crumple into a little ball and roll away. Do society a big favor and jump off a bridge.

To which I reply:

Dear Charles;

I would take offense at the "limp-wrist liberal" part, but I have broken each wrist once -- one playing baseball and the other in a barroom fight many years ago while in the Navy -- so you may have a point there. Sometimes when I'm writing back to right-wing knuckleheads, my wrists hurt very much indeed.

But you're wrong about the Hannity references. I actually work a few blocks from the moist soil Hannity burrows into at Fox News -- but I've never actually run into him. But if I did, it would be unseemly for a Veteran to "crumple into a little ball" at the feet of a true Chickenhawk, so I'm afraid I can't help you with that.

That said, I would love to be on his show, so do me a favor: Next time you're at his house doing his landscaping, sweeping his driveway or polishing one of his cars and he lets you come into the house to go to the bathroom, put in a good word for me. I appreciate that.

And I've never been invited to Arianna's house but I understand she may be having a contest to have as a weekend guest, the writer who gets the most hate e-mail from certifiably goofy right-wingers. With your help, Charles, I hope to be that writer.

And, by the way, I http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Nelson_Reilley " target="_blank">loved your work on "Match Game" in the 1970s.

Bob

* * * * *

But Little Chuckles N. Reilly wasn't alone… I pissed off so many people with the Hannity bit, even Spammers wrote to complain.

A Mr. Zhang He, from the Bank of China in Shenzhen sent me this:

Dear Friend,

I am Zhang He, Bank Manager of the Bank of China, Shenzhen branch, China. I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. On June 7, 2000, a consultant/ contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation, made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at Twenty One Million Dollars (US$21,000,000.00) only in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to the forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the South Korea Solid Minerals Corporation that he died along with his wife from a plane crash. On further investigation, I found out that he died Without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.

I was going to invite you to share the money, until I saw the nasty, mean-spirited things you wrote about Sean Hannity and his web site . I can no longer in good faith extend such a windfall to a horrible liberal who would so besmirch the reputation of such a fine, fair and balanced, American commentator.

Why don’t you and Arianna Huffington jump off a bridge?

I'm sorry but I have no reply. My wise-guy antics have finally cost me dearly and I vow to write nothing else about Mr. Hannity this week. Unless he puts up a poll asking if George W. Bush is a) Really smart, b) Really, really smart, c) Freakin' wicked smart, or d) A genius who all patriotic Americans appreciate.

* * * * *

Going so far off subject, I have no idea what the hell he's even talking about, Todd Honig babbles…

Hey, Bob Geiger. You're a fucking [sic] idiot. And from your name I suspect you're Jewish which makes your anti-Israel stance even more idiotic. It's moron leftists like you that got 6 million of our people killed by the Nazis during Worlds [sic] War 2. You want to see it happen again keep rooting for the Arabs you schmuck. And don't look to Jews like me to save your sorry ass either. Moron Jews like you aren't worth fighting for.

While it's hard to take macho rhetoric seriously when it comes from a guy named Todd, I'll try.

Dear Todd;

Since it's Shabbat, I'm going to go easy on you. Next time you write, please tell me what column in particular has offended you because, as is so often true with my Friday Fruitcakes contributors, I have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't written anything about the Middle East crisis and I don't think I've mentioned Israel more than a handful of times in the 18 months I've been blogging.

I'll just assume that you had me confused with one of the many other people you probably send hate mail to and leave it at that.

But just to be safe, I called Shlomo Finkelstein, President of the Jewish Defense Coalition (JDC) and asked him about your accusations. He put my mind at ease.

"Oh, Todd?" said Finkelstein. "Don’t worry about him. He writes to every blogger and accuses them of being anti-Semitic. He's sent me e-mails calling me an anti-Semite three times this week already. What an enormous tool."

My wife and my little boy are Jewish -- in fact, I'm not -- and if she even sensed at anti-Israel thought from me, I'd be sleeping on the sofa so fast it would make your pointy little head spin, Todd. But she did say "Hey, Geiger isn’t even a Jewish name -- this guy Todd's really a schmo and you should tell him to 'Ech hob dir in drerd'." I'll assume you'll know what those things mean.

Shabbat Shalom!

Bob

* * * * *

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 10:31:27 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or general nutcase tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

In response to my article on George W. Bush doing an extensive photo opportunity at Dunkin' Donuts while he ignores our country's very serious problems, Mr. JIMSCH0207 writes…

YOU REALLY THINK THE PRESIDENT SHOULD'NT [sic] EAT DUNKIN DONUTS? IF WE ALL SUPORTED [sic] THE PRESIDENT WE WOULDN'T HAVE THESE PROBLEMS. THINK ABOUT IT, IF WE ALL STOOD BEHIND HIM AND SUPORTED [sic] HIM DO YOU THINK ANY NATION WOULD STAND A CHANCE OF PUSHING US AROUND? THEY ALL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US NOT SUPORTING HIM. JUST THINK ABOUT IT.... HOW DOES IT GO? UNITED WE STAND - DEVIDED [sic] WE FALL.
UNITE - UNITED STATES - OR FALL,
THINK ABOUT IT! DO YOU WANT TO FALL?
LOOKS LIKE YOU DO!

And our little http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Steinbeck " target="_blank">John Steinbeck ends with the tag line…

If you can read this thank a teacher, If it is English thank a soldier

To which I reply:

Dear Jim;

I always have a hard time answering e-mails like yours because I feel like successfully deciphering them would require me to down a bottle of bourbon, smoke a joint and hit myself in the head with a mallet multiple times. But I'll try and I'll do it in little chunks to make it easier for you to wrap your little Republican brain around.

- I'm guessing Mr. Bush's three-hour workday gives him lots of time to exercise and he looks quite fit so I actually think he should be allowed to eat as many donuts as he wants. But I believe that he could probably get them delivered to the White House -- I mean, being so close to President Cheney and all -- and use the saved time to focus on how badly he and Dick have screwed up our country.

- And just when I was about to call you on your assertion that "they all take advantage of us" because so many of us refuse to go along with the dictatorship, I did some homework and, much to my chagrin, I found out you're right. They all really are coming after us now. According to the U.S. Department of State, the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad " target="_blank">Republic of Chad -- that's in Africa, Jim -- has threatened to bomb America back to the Stone Age unless we dramatically increase our imports of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_of_Chad " target="_blank">arabic chewing gum from them.

And that covert country of evil-doers, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liechtenstein " target="_blank">Liechtenstein, has contacted Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and said they will invade and annex all of Western Europe unless Rob Schneider is imprisoned and prohibited from making any more films.

And bands of Chinese youths, enjoying the proliferation of cell phones in their country, have been making prank calls to Bush at the White House and asking if he's "checked Dick Cheney's pacemaker lately."

Sure enough, the CIA reports that in all cases, they have evidence that this is all because of the 71 percent of us who do not support Bush.

When you're right, you're right, Jim.

- On your final question -- it's too late. I fell last weekend while mowing the lawn and got a nasty scrape on my shin. But thank you anyway.

Bob

P.S. If I have a difficult time reading your note because it's not really in functional English, who do I thank?

* * * * *

Ms. Janie0557 warmly writes…

You treasonous piece of garbage. Do you honestly believe that President Bush and Vice President Cheney are responsible for every death that has happened in Iraq in the last three years?

Dear Janie;

Yes.

Love,

Bob

* * * * *

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 11:06:07 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or general nutcase tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

sirandre007@att.net, writing about Lieutenant Ehren Watada, who has http://www.democrats.com/node/9157 " target="_blank">refused to be deployed to Iraq based on the illegal and immoral nature of the war writes…

Lieutenant Ehren Watada's [sic] is a coward and should be shot!

And I say…

Dear sirandre007@att.net,

In what branch of the military did you serve? If you haven't served yet and are in your late teens, 20s or 30s, when are you going to sign up to go to Iraq for Bush's noble cause?

I won't hold my breath waiting for your reply.

* * * * *

Mr. Robert Anderson sends along a nice note about Democrats who want to bring our troops home from Iraq…

Dear Bob,

These folks who make the comments they do with out [sic] having been there are really something. To think that my son and the other soldiers risked their lives for these people does not make my day. Having our soldiers tortured then be headed [sic] shows what type of individuals we are dealing with. Being a retired police officer, I would dread to think of the panic that would take hold of this country if the terrorists began suicide bombings in our country.

If these Democrats were around when George Washington was alive they would have given up at the first shot that the Brittish [sic] fired. Instead of impeachment they should get on their knees and thank God for President Bush who has the guts to stand up to politicians and these savages to defend our country. If these terrorists take over, these Democrats will wish to God that they had defended this President instead of always cutting him up. God Bless our troops, God Bless our country, and God Bless our President.

To which I reply…

Dear Robert,

As someone who gets a lot of e-mail from inarticulate, right-wing troglodytes, I have to say that I don't think I've seen anyone put so many dumb statements in one short e-mail. Congratulations. You are a true Republican among Republicans.

I'll take your points in some semblance of order.

- The main person calling for the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq is Congressman John Murtha, a highly-decorated combat Veteran with 37 years in the Marine Corps. I think he's "been there." Have you?

- If you have a son in Iraq I thank him for his service but need to address the truth that he is not fighting for me or any other American there. He is fighting for George W. Bush's agenda that has nothing whatsoever to do with the security of our country. Now that should make you mad.

- I suspect many Democrats -- especially Vets like Murtha, John Kerry and me -- would have picked up arms against the British with great gusto. Why? Now read this very slowly so you understand: They were a real risk to the freedom we were trying to attain -- not a figment of the president's imagination. Please write back and tell me what part of the Iraq attack against America I missed.

- As for your blind loyalty to a lying coward like Bush who has put your child in danger for no reason, lied to our country repeatedly and is bankrupting our treasury, I suspect that even if his approval rating drops to 10 percent, you will be among that number.

Since I'm in a mean mood today, I'll shatter one more of your illusions: When you settle in with a nice cup of cocoa over the weekend to watch "Barney," please know [now lean closer to the screen, Robert] he's not a real dinosaur. I'm sorry.

* * * * *

Finally, in an e-mail titled " Two Right-Wing Idiots for your blog," our old friend Fred Fittin writes…

Oops.....I meant two Democrat idiots

Ever wonder what the expression "stuck on stupid" meant?

Well here is an example: [Fred inserts picture of Jesse Jackson and Cindy Sheehan here]

The grinning idiot clinging to Je$$e Jack$on is Cindy Sheehan... the sob sister protesting the war at Bush's ranch, who lost her son in the war, the same son she gave up in her divorce when he was 7 years old.

And by the way if you wonder why she has so much free time ... she is going through another divorce right now and guess what? She is giving up custody of another son.

As Forest [sic] Gump once wisely proclaimed, "Stupid is as stupid does."

Dear Fred,

I can't tell you how refreshing it always is to hear from a Republican after so many e-mails from liberal readers citing Thomas Jefferson, Plato and Socrates. With you, I get Forrest Gump. Thank you.

I've contacted both Jesse Jackson and Cindy Sheehan and relayed your remarks. Like, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, who you so grievously wounded last time you wrote to me, they were very hurt. You actually made Jesse Jackson speechless -- I'm sure I saw tears in his eyes -- and Ms. Sheehan said this:

"I thought losing a son to Bush's insane war was horrible, but now I have the Fred Fittin saying such terrible things about me. It's going to be tough but, like Harry Reid, I'll try to go on without the endorsement of someone with Fred's stature in the world."

Shame on you, Fred. Can't you use your extreme power and influence for good?

As for her divorce, well, that's easy for you to say, Fred. I'm not sure if the research would back me up on this, but I'm sure that people in your neck of the woods, who marry their siblings, have a lower percentage of painful divorces. Of course, we all have to live with the specter of you creating yet more inbred Republicans, don't we?

* * * * *

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 12:46:02 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

Mr. Byron Steiner writes…

Hi Bob,

There's so much bull going with this Democratic Party. If you go back before the war, they were all gung ho to get Hussein. Now they flipped, and undermine the effort. I used to be a Democrat, I'd never vote for any of them again. Bush has been solid over the last few years, the Democrats are jelly. The media has given the terrorists hope by attacking our troops, and that's why the Terrorist keep on fighting. Let's take away the Terrorists hope...please report the good things coming out of the war!!!

To which I say...

Dear Byron;

While I am 48 years old and no longer smoke marijuana, I will say that previous personal experience leads me to believe that you must have quite a stash.

You say "Bush has been solid over the last few years" but didn't say at what. I'd say he's been solid at lying our nation into a war against another country with no capacity to harm us and no relationship to those who actually did attack us. He's been solid at making a world that embraced America on September 12, 2001, hate our collective guts now.

He's been incredibly solid at taking the biggest budget surplus is U.S. history and turning it into a deficit that will haunt my eight-year-old son's generation. And he's been just peachy at having an administration that violates the Constitution and debases our founding principles in a way that must make Osama bin Laden double over laughing.

As to a statement like "the media has given the terrorists hope by attacking our troops," I'll just assume that you ran out of pot and switched to crack cocaine before that sentence.

Finally, if you "used to be a Democrat," I have a hot date with Angelina Jolie tonight.

* * * * *

Ms. Allison Winters -- obviously referring to how I once criticized the head of the American Legion for swift-boating anti-war protestors -- writes…

Dear Robert,

Without people like Mr. Cadmus and his American Legion. You would have your basic German or Japanese Legion to go to. Now That's Totalitarianism and your little butt would be silent. Yes your right about getting the troops home - just as soon as the job is done. Even if you asked most Military types they would say you are right - Who Likes War? - least of all the people who fought in one. But you go to fight them there - not here. Enjoy your Freedom and Thank A Vet.

NO Fan!!

To which I reply...

Dear Allison;

I am a Vet, but feel uncomfortable thanking myself -- so I'll just accept your warm wishes. And, I have to say that nobody has implied that I have a "little butt" in a really long time and, because of you, I have a little extra spring in my middle-aged step today.

Thank you!

* * * * *

Mr. Randy Peluso obviously read something I once wrote castigating MSNBC's Norah O'Donnell for how overtly right wing she sometimes appears when substituting for Chris Matthews on Hardball and comments...

Hey, Leave Norah O'Donnell alone. She doesn't have to be like, or ask questions like Walter Cronkite, cause she is way prettier than he is!

Dear Randy;

Hey, I'm a guy, so I'm with you on the fact that, on a purely surface level, Ms. O'Donnell is indeed quite fetching. But, for real news, I'd have to take Walter Cronkite any day.

My advice for you, is next time Norah -- or Noron O'Donnell as the wags at Crooks and Liars call her -- is on television, dim the lights and enjoy what she has to offer with some oil and a box of tissues.

That should work for you.

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com

Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

Bob Geiger — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 10:35:37 -0400

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democrats.com mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate tries to give me my comeuppance this week. And it's been a tough week to choose -- so much hate and ignorance flowing in and so few column inches to use for responses. But here we go:

In a long and simply bizarre e-mail, a woman from Tyler, Texas writes…

Hello,

My name is [name deleted just in case she really is being persecuted in her town -- read on] and I was born and have lived all of my life in Tyler, Texas. I have never been in any kind of trouble and I have perfect credit and my husband does too, but our credit has been destroyed. I just read your article about Opus Dei. I am scared of those people.

I am a Democrat who lives in a republican stronghold.

OK, so far, so good. Read my piece on Brownback and Opus Dei and liked it… Democrat in a Red State -- though I'm not sure what her credit has to do with anything.

I have uncovered horrible corruption in Tyler, Texas in regards to the Property Taxes and I cannot get anyone to help me expose it. I have been the victim of horrible harassment for a real long time (since the 1970s) and in recent years I have discovered a lot of the people who have been viciously harassing me are Catholics.

And here's where it starts going south and making me say "huh?"

I am also being harassed by lots of Mexicans (lots of phone calls---- some in early AM hours) who are probably all Catholics and I have never had anything to do with illegal aliens, but the Catholic Church helps them because I have read the Catholic Church gets thousands of dollars out of them by asking them to put their money into what is called "poor Boxes."

My home town is being overrun by illegal Mexicans and other Central & South Americans-------- as is our whole country. I read an article recently saying that this is the biggest MASS invasion of any country in the history of the world so far, and they are destroying our country while no one does anything about it.

Babe, you had me at "I just read your article." And then you go and blow it by starting in with the racist rhetoric. What are you going to say to me in your next e-mail? That the New York Jews run all the banks and television networks? That black people are destroying our inner cities? I had such high hopes for our relationship and then you ruin it all by sounding like a bigot from Tyler, Texas.

Damn you, for dashing the dream that we could have had something together.

Next up we have Mr. Fred Fitten who musters up every bit of writing ability enabled by his limited vocabulary and writes (in its entirety):

You are a bigger idiot than Reid.....Both you and he are typical left-wing morons...

To which I respond:

Dear Fred,

Your e-mail concerns me greatly and I am waiting for a response from Senator Reid before I write back to you. I was fortunate enough to meet Mr. Reid while at the YearlyKos conference in Las Vegas, mentioned your e-mail and, understandably, he was quite upset

"Fred Fitten said that? The Fred Fitten?" said Senator Reid, trembling with emotion.

"Yes, Senator, I'm afraid so," I responded, trying to cushion the blow with a hug.

"Well, I'm tempted to resign from the Senate if Fred Fitten thinks I'm a moron, but I'm going to hang in there," said Reid. "I mean, no offense, Bob. I'm sure Fred calls you a moron all the time. But this comes as quite a shock to me."

So I hope you're happy, Fred. The Senate Minority Leader thinking of stepping down and me giving serious thought to retiring from blogging -- all because of your harsh rebuke.

You and that woman from Tyler, Texas are like a one-two punch to the emotional gut.

Let's hear from Mr. "clydedes" -- why do so few of these right-wingers have the courage to use their real names? - who writes:

Mr. Geiger,

You insult the intelligence of your readers with your biased comments about Senator Frist. He knew long before he announced the scheduled votes that he would not win on the gay marriage vote and that the estate tax repeal was questionable. He shows so much more courage than the Democrats (which I have been all of my adult life), because he is willing to bring things to the floor that he knows he will not win. All Harry Reid does is filibuster. I do not think the Democratic party will accomplish anything with Reid, Dean, Byrd, Kennedy, Pelosi and Murtha in leadership positions. I hope somebody gives us back our party.

Dear Mr. Clydedes,

I believe you and I are both members of the Democratic party as much as I believe that Pat Robertson sings with the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus.

Love,

Bob

Finally, we have something short and sweet, that was the kind of heart-warming e-mail that makes me understand why I write and reinforces that I really can change some peoples' opinions.

Mr. "X-mann" writes…

Dear asshole,

I'm so sorry that liberal scum like you even exists. Why didn’t your mother abort you when she had the chance?

To which I say:

Dear Mr. X;

While I take strong exception to being called "liberal scum" -- I prefer the word "progressive" -- I cannot tell you how moving it is to me that someone who is obviously so conservative has chosen to adopt a pro-choice, abortion-rights stance.

Thank you so much for being willing to examine yourself -- and change.

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at geiger.bob@gmail.com