I hope I don't anger many people with this post but if I do I just do. There are a lot of things that have been weighing on my mind about the state of our country and our party. I am beginning to feel as if my values and views will never be represented by our party, and real change will never come to this country.

I am beginning to believe that the ideals I want to fight for are not even shared by most people of my own party. I don't come about this assessment lightly. First, I supported Howard Dean in 04, and switched to John Edwards after Dean was negated by the "centerists" in our party. Neither won, and I had to hold my nose and vote for Kerry, while I watched him concede large swaths of the nation including my own state of Kentucky. He tried to run a campaign that was just barely left of the Republicans apparently led by the "experts" in the DLC, and frankly it disgusted me.

Then we had the primary here in Kentucky's first last year. I worked for and really believed in a great Democrat. We had many ideas to uplift our region, and really cared about the people we were trying to represent, our neighbors. We ran a campaign based on ideas and big vision for the future. We were true Democrats, who didn't believe in backing away from our values and ran that way. In the end we were badly beaten by a candidate who had name recognition for getting beat, and in an election year that went to Democrats he got smoked by 20%, and still I get to see Ed Whitfield laughing in my face as he votes against anything that even resembles progress in this country. It was a sobering experience to see so many people that you desperately wanted to try and reach vote against you. The bitter taste has yet to leave my mouth.

Then I blogged for Kentucky candidates in the general election, of which only one won, John Yarmuth. While he has been a godsend in the Congress, it was bitterly disappointing to not do better and win more seats. I contributed to a lot of candidates in that cycle, and some of them won, and we won Congress. I thought I was happy about that at first.....

Then we had the shameless capitulation to Bush. The Congress we all worked so hard for flat chickened out. They refused to fight for the people that fought for them. It has been spun many ways, but it was what it was, capitulation. I was extremely angered and disappointed as were we all.

Now, we have our primary starting way too early. Most anyone who has read my writing knows that I support Edwards in the primary, but I begged to not have so many states move up so the nominee would not be decided as early as last time. I thought it was very bad for our party with so many choices to choose so soon. Now it will be earlier. I felt copelled to support Edwards early, because he is the only candidate who really talks about and cares about the things that I do, and the other two just disturb me because I don't believe they are genuine. This is not just sour grapes because Edwards is trailing, but this primary is just adding more and more to my disillusionment. What I see within our very party deeply disturbs me.

We have two frontrunners already annointed by the media, and they offer little of real substance. Sure, they are a great story, but where are their ideas to move us foward? How can Hillary state she believes in Bush's Global War on Terror, and that it has made us safer and actually gain ground among Democrats? How can Obama continually vote for this war, and still have Democrats say he "opposed it from the start"? How could he tank a question about the VA so badly and still be called the
"winner" of the debate by so many Democrats? Where are their plans and vision to rebuild our party, country, and the world?

To me, it seems that they have already colluded together to run on a ticket, and that ticket offers me as much hope as Tom Barlow offered me running in Kentucky's first district last year. While they are constantly fawned upon by the media, they offer very little in the way of ideas and vision to repair the terrible damage of the Bush years. They seem to just say "You'll vote for me because I am not Republican and you have to". They are given a free pass to scrutiny by the press and most Democrats. Why are they above reproach?

Like I said, I don't want this post to sound like sour grapes, but the one candidate who does present bold new Progressive ideas is hounded and vilified by the press, and daily has DEMOCRATS presenting right-wing talking points on him on just about every blog you go to. I know John Edwards has not been perfect in the past, but he has admitted his mistakes, and presents a Progressive message NOW. He has presented many proposals on his website that represent the way I feel almost perfectly on every issue, yet he is ridiculed within my own Party, and those that don't ridicule just ignore.

I remember growing up and loving history and just idolizing John and Robert Kennedy. That, added with the fact that my dad always told me how he was a Democrat, and so was his dad, and his dad before that, and so on made me always want to be a Democrat. When I got older, I realized that in modern history the Democrats have fought for what I believed more times than not, and I could be proud of being part of the big tent.

Now, the Kennedys lay in the ground slain(I won't get started on that!!), and my forefathers are long dead too. I am beginning to believe that the vision they had about what our party should be and do is just as dead as they are. I feel I have been right here, a proud Democrat fighting for what proud Democrats fight for while most of my party has moved away from me into some centerist fantasy land that never existed and never will.

I guess what this all boils down to is that I am tired of having to hold my nose and vote for people who don't even care to represent what I really believe and fight for it. I am tired of being told I must vote for someone who is a Democrat, but is afraid to be one. I am tired of being told what I believe doesn't matter. I am coming to believe that the lesser of two evils is still evil. I honestly do not want to leave my party but more and more everyday I feel like my party is leaving me, and moving into a place I can't follow or won't.